I am so thankful that the loving God we serve has been bringing to mind HIS faithfulness in all that HE has done in and through me since coming to Christ. We have spent time reflecting on the fearful, broken woman I was when I first walked in the doors at CCF, the time I spent in Christian counseling learning how to put a voice to my past, to embrace and lay down the pain, and to pick up my testimony of HIS strength and healing power. Remembering HIS faithfulness is preparing me for what HE has in store as we begin this new church-wide study on regret called, “Starting Over, Your Life Beyond Regrets”. Before this week if you asked me about my biggest regrets, I would confidently say, “I do not waste time on regret. I cannot change the things I’ve done or haven’t done so regretting them would be a waste of time and energy.” HE is lovingly and gently showing me just how wrong I am.
Even though HE has filled me with an abiding love, there is still an area if my life that gives me new reasons to regret every day. HE and I have talk about it. Jim Ricci and I have talked about it. Rick Moore, Justin Dowiot and I have talked about it. My care group and I talk. I have taken steps in HIS direction and then slipped back to my old ways. My biggest regret, I am a conflict avoider. While I know that peace at all cost isn’t peace, I actively avoid hard conversations. The more I love someone the harder I work to not upset the apple cart. As often as I pray over what HE would have me to say, I stay mute, text, or email. None of which build the relationships HE has for me. By the time I break down and initiate a “nonversation,” I create confusion for the person I should have spoken with and bitterness in me. While I am proof that walking in obedience brings good, in this area I consistently run the other way.
So here I am praying again for the wisdom to get out of HIS way and the strength to walk in obedience. Praying not only for the words and timing to speak as HE leads but also the willingness to follow through and trust that HIS strength is bigger than my weakness and fear. Jesus, I pray that today is the day that I truly begin living out Proverbs 3:5-6, trusting you fully so that you can set my path straight.
I’m ready to love my regrets and look forward to learning HIS plan for them. Can’t wait to see how HE grows us through this study!