Since coming to Christ, one of the things I love and am amazed by is how HIS word changes meaning for me as I grow in HIM. I cannot count the number of times I was overwhelmed with confusion, anger, and hurt when I heard Romans 8:28, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. I simply could not imagine anything good coming from my past… the things I’d done and the things done to me. For anyone who tried to open my eyes back then, please accept my deepest apologies. I did not know what I did not know. HE has brought healing to my life in many areas; and there are times when HE allows me to use my past to speak into someone else’s pain. HE works for good from a life I thought had no value.
I recently rediscovered another side to that truth. While HE is the ultimate healer, HE heals in layers and at just the right time. A few months ago I joined a new bible study. It fit into my schedule and seemed like a great idea. At the beginning of week one, a couple of the founding members shared a quick testimony of how they came to Christ. I’ve done this before and expected it to be a piece of cake. The only real task was to make certain the story fit into three minutes.
Every time I reflected on exactly what I would share (notice I was thinking not praying), I felt anxiety and anger rise up in me. My testimony of faith had always consisted of sharing a bit of how much of a mess my life was before coming to Christ, meeting HIM in the valley, and my new life in HIM. This time, there was a memory from my childhood that kept insisting on attention. I put my emotional walls up and practiced my testimony leaving the memory nagging in the back of my brain and my heart. I find HE is not particularly deterred or impressed when I put walls up around my emotions. Little by little HE spoke into the memory and made it clear that there was work to be done. HE was ready to do it when I was willing.
I kept my walls up and resisted for weeks. HE lovingly and kindly reminded me that we had done this together before; and it had always been for my good. Still, I refused to let go. With Easter coming I finally stopped running and let HIM show me what HE was ready to forgive, to heal. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. HIS healing comes in layers and HIS word takes on new meaning just when we need it.
John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.