My husband had COVID in December. He was pretty sick for a while and I was frightened. When I would talk to him on the phone while he was in the hospital, he would tell me, “I am not coming home. I think I am going to die.” As a nurse, when your patient tells you that, you’d better listen. Sometimes they know what they are talking about. It was only through much prayer he did recover. He is now so very feeble, it is so painful to watch. He looks like he’s aged 20 years while he was ill. We are not ready for this. We have plans and things we want to do before becoming old and feeble. How quickly plans can be changed. That one phone call or knock on the door and everything changes. Ready or not, changes happen. I wish I could roll the clock back to November when he was healthy and still able to ambulate well. Unfortunately, I cannot do that and must get used to the new “normal”.
If only my maturity in Christ would be as instantaneous as unexpected changes. I can so empathize with the Apostle Paul when he said, “the things I want to do I don’t, the things I don’t want to do I do.” Man, I find a sin I had thought I had gotten rid of long ago perking its ugly head back up. I feel like a whack-a-mole, it pops up, I beat it back down, confess and leave it, only to have it pop back up at times. I read my Bible and pray every morning, but sometimes I feel like it is not changing me at all.
There are some days I get up and I just don’t like people. Let alone LOVE them. I saw a shirt that said, “Roses are Red People are fake, I stay to myself so I wont be on The 1st 48.” If you don’t know, The First 48 is a murder mystery show where they try to solve the case within the 1st 48 hours. It does not come naturally at times for me to love other people, especially before I have had my coffee. My husband gets it the worst. He gets up and says, “Good morning, how are you?” I just growl at him. I have to remind myself to love him at 7am just as much as I do at 11am.
I have to practice this love for others until it becomes a habit. I do know there are people who just exude love and are overflowing with love and joy. I wish I was one of them, but I am not. I am praying that God will change me and live through me and shine His love in me till it overflows, but I am not at that point right now. I know some people are changed overnight when they meet the Lord and start a relationship with Him. I guess I am one of those old stubborn southern gals that it takes a while. Thank God His mercies are new every morning and I can start over each and every day and begin again.
Psalms 1 says, “He shall bear fruit in His season.” My season seems to be a little slow in coming. In the meantime I will just keep plodding along, doing what I know I am supposed to be doing and trust that He who has begun a new work in me will continue until the Day of Christ. Bill Gaither had a song that says, “He’s still working on me to make me what I ought to be. Took Him just a week to make the moon and stars, the sun and the earth, and Jupiter and Mars. How lovingly patient He must be, He’s still working on me.” I just have to be patient and obedient and wait for the fruit to grow and produce. I just the time would speed up a bit.
